It is not uncommon to start a relationship, become close and super lovey-dovey, and when things start becoming all spicy, voila! the man suddenly pulls away. After having gone through such a confusing episode, it is not abnormal that certain questions begin to linger in your mind….“What did I do wrong? Was I not a perfect match?
When this happens, nothing seems to make sense to you as a woman, and all you have with you are feelings of frustration, anger and probably, self-blame. Well, there are many reasons as to why men pull away despite your high hopes and expectations that the relationship will blossom into something more serious.
Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why men tend to put a sudden end to what I would refer to as a positive emotional adventure.
Why He Pulls Away After Getting Close
He fears becoming engulfed
Unlike women who desire some level of emotional and physical closeness, men will normally feel threatened when they experience closeness. In fact, men are likely to feel stressed, and like they have no sense of self. They protect their manhood by captivating some level of independence and non-emotional reliance on their partners. When a man feels too close, he is likely to feel like he is losing his autonomy, and will, therefore, avoid bonding at all costs.
Yes, you read it right. A man will pull away if he is with a partner who is over-demanding, over-possessive and insecure. He will also distance himself if you are a wife who always complains because he does not have the ability to tolerate such kinds of actions. Men always have this desire to make a woman happy, and if he cannot achieve this desire with you, then rest assured that he will definitely pull away because he does not feel like a real man.
If you keep pestering your husband with demands like, “I need more money for my make-up”, “Buy me a new car”, “Take the kids to a better school”, “Let’s move to a more posh neighborhood”, or “You need to find a better paying job”, the man is likely to feel like he does not make you happy and might withdraw.
Related article: The reason why guys pull away in the early days
Your man will disappear on you because of many stressful reasons such as too much pressure from parents to marry you, financial instability, work demands that make it impossible for him to give you quality time, and peer pressure especially if his friends are all getting married. Please note that he does not distance himself because of something you have done, but due to situations that are beyond his control and coping mechanisms.
He likes you
You read it right! He likes you. Your man will normally pull away if he realizes that he is developing some uncontrollable feelings towards you and he may end up feeling vulnerable. A man who likes you is likely to turn down lunch dates, or he may even act too busy for you whenever you want to spend time with him.
He is having an affair
A man will withdraw if he is cheating on you, or if he has ever cheated on you even once because of the guilt. He might be trying to figure out how his choices will affect your relationship, or unfortunately, he could be already in a new relationship and is least interested in you.
He has been hurt in a previous relationship
Like women, men also like to tread carefully in new relationships. Men will want to be sure that the woman they are dating no longer has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, and until they are certain that they will not get hurt again, they are likely to revisit their decision of getting into a relationship.
He’s afraid to commit
When things are going well, the man is likely to get scared because of this false misconception that if a relationship is blissful, they will be stuck in it forever. Often times, they want to get out as soon as possible. Other men may have a notion that they will never have a chance to be close to another woman again, and so they will pull out to go figure out if they are really ready for a long-term commitment.
Things are moving too fast
Men and women tend to have different expectations at some point in the relationship. If a man realizes that things are moving too fast then he’d expected or can handle, he is likely to lose interest. For instance, a woman may be thinking of how she will get married and maybe busy shopping around for the kind of ring she will want to put on during her wedding, yet the man may feel unprepared and any pressure towards engaging in marriage preparation might turn him off.