a woman with her boyfriendHave you been dating a guy for a while but for some reason he’s just not committing to the relationship? Maybe you’re wanting to take things to the next level, but you feel some hesitation on his part.

This is not an uncommon situation. In fact, a large proportion of guys seem to be commitment phobic. So what’s going on?! Why do guys seem to have such a hard time with commitment?

There is a common thread in almost every guys thinking that causes them not to commit. It may very well shock you to learn about it, but once you do you will be able to see clearly where his hang ups are and know exactly how to get him past them and wanting to commit. You can learn more about it here.

How Commitment Works For Guys And Why He May Be Pulling Back

Although it is certainly true that some guys do have a fear when it comes to commitment, just as it can be so for many women. However, guys seem to exhibit this kind of behavior much more readily than women.

So is the guy you’re dating actually a commitment phobic? Well, not necessarily. For most guys, they have a mental checklist in their head of the things they want to get done before they settle down into a serious relationship or go to the next stage of getting married and having kids. A lot of guys will not necessarily be consciously aware of this checklist. However, it will be there sub-consciously, and it can play a big part in how he views relationships and how far he is willing to go with them at any particular stage in his life.

That being said, some guys can date a woman for a very long time without taking the next step, often baffling their partners as to why they haven’t gone to the next level. This can leave a woman wondering why their partner hasn’t suggested a more long term commitment.

If you find that this is also your situation, then it is often them, rather than you, that is having problems. However, the guy in question will not likely view it as a problem.

There are a few ways to draw out a guy who is afraid of a serious commitment and get him to not only want to commit to you but actually, suggest it himself.

The secret behind this is to firstly understand how men think and what they actually want in a woman and a relationship. You can find out exactly how men work here.

Once you understand this, then it becomes much easier to move your man closer to a commitment with you in a way that makes him feel comfortable rather than running for the hills.

If you want to make a quick and simple shift so you can see the world through his eyes and reveal exactly what he is thinking and secretly wanting in a woman, the things that he yearns for but doesn’t have the courage to tell you himself, then listen to relationship consultant James Bauer, tell you exactly what you need to know here.


Being with you should be uncomplicated, with as little drama, pressure or anything else that makes your partner tense and on edge.

Ideally, long-term relationships should make it easy to be with each other over a period of time. Much like choosing friends, one should try to relax and be themselves around those they love. It should also be easy on you to be with your partner. If you’re comfortable being yourself around him, then you will likely find that you will love him even more. The same goes for him too.

When you feel this comfortable around a person, you’ll naturally want to be around them more. When your partner feels this way around you, then he will more than likely be closer to making a longer term commitment to you than if he did not feel this way in your presence.

Feeling Like You Are One In A Million

When it comes to a serious, long-term commitment, and especially marriage, every guy wants to feel like they have snagged the best woman out there.

An Important Understanding About Physical Beauty

a man in a committed relationship with his womanIt’s not necessary to be the most beautiful woman that he has ever seen, of course, this is just not possible for about 90% of women. While it is true that guys, for the most part, do really appreciate a good looking woman, for most sane guys this is not the end all be all. With that being said, however, it is important to be physically attractive to him, so keep yourself in good shape and make an effort to look nice. You may also wish to read our article on 9 tips to make yourself more attractive to men.

Surprisingly enough, when it comes to long-term relationships, many guys prefer to choose a woman who is not necessarily the most drop-dead gorgeous girl on the block as they fear that she will be constantly hit on by other guys and they may eventually lose her. As funny as this may sound, it is usually guys with lower self-esteem who may think this way.

A Supportive Woman

So, besides the looks department, he will also be looking for specific qualities in character when it comes to committing long-term. Guys want to have a strong feeling, a knowing deep down that their woman will be there for them and by their side when the chips are down, no matter what. Being supportive is a very attractive quality in a person and is often especially important to guys when choosing a long-term partner.


Another important quality that many guys look for in a serious partner is understanding. Guys want to feel that their woman cares enough about them to get to know them on a deeper level and understand who they really are and what is important to them. When two people understand each other on this level, it will greatly help to deepen the bond.

Easy-Going or Coolness

No one likes being around someone who is uptight and demanding all the time. If a guy is visioning what it would be like to be in a serious relationship with you and therefore, be in close proximity to you for a large amount of the time, then he will have reservations if you are displaying certain characteristics. He will be highly unlikely to want to commit to you if he sees you as overbearing, demanding, high maintenance, argumentative or if you were to restrict him in any way (within reason) from doing things that he also wants to do in his life.

Regarding this last point, guys appreciate that being in a committed relationship also means that dating other woman is off the table, I don’t mean that. However, he may have hobbies and passions that are important to him and that have been in his life long before you were. If he feels that you may start to impose certain restrictions on these things that he is passionate about then don’t be surprised if you find him pulling away and not wanting to get any more serious with you that he already is.

Relationships are about compromising, and most guys will understand that, but it is important not to be unreasonable or offer him ultimatums.

See also: Talking Dirty To Your Boyfriend

Feeling Special And Wanted

You want to make your partner feel amazing and special in your company. Everybody usually appreciates compliments, but they can’t come solely from your partner. When your partner feels amazing around you, they will want to be with you more. In a similar vein, some people go astray in a relationship and cheat on their partners because their other half stopped paying them attention, became more distant and less affectionate over time.

Trust and Reliability

Guys who are ready to commit often seek a partner who is honest and trustworthy and not easily swayed by efforts to seduce them by others.

Furthermore, there are other ways also demonstrate your honest and trustworthy nature besides remaining faithful and not flirting with other guys. For example, always keeping your promises and following through with what you say you will do speaks volumes about a person’s character. Additionally, being able to keep secrets that are told to you, which also includes not divulging your friends or family members secrets to your boyfriend just because he is a close person in your life.

Good Communication

a couple together talkingPartners who share their feelings often have an easier time getting their partners into longer term commitments. This is largely due to the increased bond that is built from being able to communicate with your partner in both an open and honest way.

Both partners in a relationship, of course, have feelings. However, some people have a harder time expressing them to their partners for one reason or another, from personal psychological traumas to simply not being able to find the right words.

When one partner is capable of sharing their feelings without any expectations, judgement or pressure on them, people become far more open and willing to share how they truly feel.

The fear of opening up to a partner is quite like asking for that all important first date if they are not used to doing so. People who seem cool and aloof who don’t relate to their partners usually have a harder time reaching long-term commitments than people who feel they can communicate openly with their partners.

It is, however, inadvisable to try and sway a person into taking a relationship to another level if they are just not ready. Relationships don’t take great turns based on a single conversation. Relationships advance because of a wide range of variables that eventually combine into a single movement.

Over an extended period, your partner should feel like you make them feel special and wanted and that they don’t want to lose. Nobody really commits to a relationship because their partner sat them down and gave them two options; either coercing them into a deeper relationship or leaving them entirely.

The Bottom Line

When it comes to commitment, it is easy to say that people are different. As true as this is, it is also true that human beings do have a few basic behaviors and habits that apply to almost all of us universally. People that make us feel good tend to bring us closer to them. Individuals who make us feel bad tend to chase us away from them.

People, even those who admit they have a hard time with commitment, almost always just want to make sure that they are with the right person for the long haul. Nobody intends to be with the wrong person forever. Getting people to commit to a relationship is less about a bold gesture and far more about creating a relationship that makes both of you feel the way both of you want to feel for the rest of your lives together.

To discover the exact steps you need to take in order to transform your relationship and get your guy to commit to you and actually love you for it, click here now.