When you’re in a relationship that doesn’t work out, it can absolutely eat you up inside. That’s especially true if you feel that everything could be better if you just had another chance. All of the “what ifs” that circulate through your mind if you weren’t ready to let go of your boyfriend can be totally heart-wrenching.
Even worse, it seems hardly anyone ever understands if you confide in them that you want to try to win your ex back. Unfortunately, most people seem just to tell you to move on rather than helping you with what you really want.
In those situations, the question often arises whether “moving on” is really all you can do. If you truly want to get your ex boyfriend back, however, you should take solace in knowing that it can be possible for some people. Only once you’ve given up is it ever off the table.
A little bit of hope and perseverance can go a long way. Before dedicating yourself fully, however, you should at least take some time to really think about the situation so that you can be certain this is the path you want to take.
Getting Him Back If He Has Moved On
Time to reflect
After reflecting on your relationship and everything that might’ve gone wrong, you should have at least some idea of what you might need to do differently in the future should you happen to recapture your ex boyfriend’s interest.
Sometimes in a relationship we can all have insecurities pop up from time to time. However, when this happens it can often cause a person to become clingy with their partner. Although most mature men will be tolerant and understanding when this happens due to external circumstances in your life. However, if the clingy behavior goes no too long then it can certainly be a factor in a man wanting some space from you. If being clingy was an issue for you in the relationship then here’s how to get him back after being needy.
Despite the tendency to merely receive the dismissive “move on” advice, you should also try talking to someone else about the situation for an outside perspective. If no one in your personal life is particularly helpful, you can always turn to online advice forums for some insight into what has helped others in the past. There’s no doubt that countless others have been in your exact situation, and it can be incredibly helpful to get some external, unbiased input.
Time for yourself
Regardless of anything, one of the most common failings of any attempt to get an ex boyfriend back is coming across as too desperate. That only serves to push people away. Instead, you should take advantage of the time away from the relationship to work on yourself and focus on your own goals for a while.
If you’ve been meaning to start a college class, find a new job, lose a few pounds, or even just get a makeover, this is the perfect time to do so. If your ex sees that you have your act together and are able to flourish without them, you’re far more likely to appeal to them once more.
If that doesn’t pan out, however, you can always try relying on a bit of good old fashioned jealousy. If you have mutual friends with your ex or they still happen to follow you on social media, you might want to make at least it appear that you’re moving on despite not really doing so.
Going on a few casual dates to help get your mind off of him for a while can help you to regain some confidence and have a little fun. However, posting a few pictures on social media of yourself out having fun with your guy friends more often than not is going to get your ex’s attention!
Has he really moved on?
If you still want to get him back, but you think he may have moved on, you need to be sure. Quite frankly, the best way to find out is to ask him. Many people will cringe at the thought of this, but at the end of the day, life is too short to spend too much time playing games and wandering ‘what if?’
Getting in contact with him would the the first natural step, and the best way is often a phone call or a ‘chance encounter’. The reason for this is you will firstly be able to judge his reaction more clearly over the phone or in person rather than a text message or email. His first reaction to you contacting him will likely give you some indication if your contact is welcome and if he is open to talking to you. Read our article on using text messages to get him back for more effective tips.
If the breakup was due to any fault on your part, then take the opportunity to apologize for it if you haven’t done so already. From there, if you can get a meeting with him face to face, perhaps over coffee where the two of you can have a ‘catch up’ will be a good next step.
Once alone with him and gotten the formal ‘how are you’ pleasantries out of the way, it can be a good idea to get him remembering some of the pleasant times the two of you shared together by reminiscing on past positive experiences you shared with him.
See also: Making him regret letting you go
From here, if you’re really wanting to find out if there is still a chance for the two of you or if he has truly moved on then take the opportunity to tell him your truth. If he has truly moved on then at least, you will know for certain and can then start to move on yourself. Not knowing is often the worst thing.
However, if there is still a chance for the two of you, then he may not let you know right away depending on his current situation and how he initially feels about what he has just heard from you. He may have moved on physically in that he is now with someone else, but emotionally you may still have his heart. If this is the case, then he may let you know either then and there or at some point in the near future. If this turns out to be the case then the two of you need to have a mature conversation and decide whether you want to give things another go.
Knowing that your feelings are reciprocated on some level is a great step in the right direction. From here, introducing some occasional and subtle flirting at this point can go a long way to fueling his feelings for you even more.
Once you know there is still a spark there then you need to make sure he wants to act on it. For more info on this step, read our article on how to get him to want you back.
At first, it may appear that your ex has moved on, and this very well may be the case. However, just because he is now with someone else does not necessarily meant that he has also moved on emotionally. This is the key in which you need to find out. If he does still have feelings for you and there is not too much water under the bridge between the two fo you then there may indeed be a chance to rekindle the flames of passion.
Above all, just play it cool and let the reconciliation happen naturally. Whatever happens from there will likely be for the best.