a woman nagging her boyfriendAre you nagging your boyfriend? Experts agree that asking the same question or making the same request more than two times is considered nagging.

If you are doing this, does your boyfriend appear to enjoy this kind of behavior from you? Chances are if you are nagging him, like most men, he won’t like it, and it could be having a negative effect on your relationship. So, if you are ready to stop your nagging and take your relationship to a whole new level, the following tips will come in handy.

If You Are Nagging Your Boyfriend, Here’s How To Stop!

Figure out what the problem is

If you have made a request more than twice and your boyfriend is not doing what you’ve asked, instead of nagging him, have a conversation. Tell him you would like to understand what the issue may be as to why the requests are not being followed through on. Once you receive an answer, be open to his response and discuss it maturely without getting angry or emotional. Be willing to hear his point of view and consider how he is feeling about the situation.

See also: Is He Losing Interest In Your Relationship?

What’s this about really?

Do you really want your boyfriend to do the dishes or is it about something else? Sometimes we nag as a way to control. Next time you find that your requests are unmet, ask yourself if you really want your boyfriend to take out the trash or if you are trying to control him in one way or another. If this is the case, then take a good look at other requests you are asking of him. No one likes to be controlled, and sooner or later this kind of behavior can end up really hurting your relationship.

How are your words making him feel?

It is important to pay attention to the words you use when you are asking your boyfriend to do something. If you tend to use “you” statements, they could immediately put your boyfriend on the defensive.

Instead of saying, “You never take the trash out,” try saying, “I’d appreciate it if you took the trash out.” Using “I” statements shows your boyfriend that you are not criticizing him, but instead, you are an active part of the conversation.

How do you feel?

It’s easy to justify your nagging if you are asking your boyfriend to stop drink, quit smoking, or eat healthier. However, you may simply be feeling helpless and worried about his health.

Instead of trying to control your boyfriend’s actions, which you really can’t do, control your reactions. Yes, you may be scared for your partner, but love can’t stop him from doing it.

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What’s your role in the relationship?

Your naggings can make your partner feel like he is a disappointment to you and ultimately place you in the role of parent. Instead of arguing, or nagging about finances or chores, work together to create acceptable standards that you both can live up to.

Do you respect your boyfriend?

Research shows that one major issue couples argue about is their partner’s attitude or behaviors in the relationship. This can create a loss of respect that leads to a lack of intimacy. As an alternative, work together to reflect on what you like about each other and make a pledge to work towards your goals together. The more respect you have in your relationship, the less you feel the need to nag.

Working together to build a strong foundation is a great way to stop the nagging you may feel compelled to do. Use the tips here to help yourself make good decisions.